MISS KITTY

MISS KITTY

　

MYSTERY CHIEF INSPECTOR

　

　

At three thirty in the morning, John Murphy’s front doorbell rang, not once but

four times. He hated that time of morning ever since he found it was the death hour that

more people die than any other. At his age he expected to run into the grim reaper at any

given moment. With high anxiety he cracked the door to see a small cradle decorated

with a ribbon, sitting on his front porch.

When he uncovered the blanket tucked around the cushion, a small calico kitten

looked up at him with her green jade eyes. Love entered John’s life as soon as he set his

eyes on her. He guessed her age at six weeks or so and decided to name her ’Miss Kitty’.

John was officially retired as chief detective on the Miami police department. However

he worked special assignments that the department felt he was uniquely qualified for.

Miss Kitty, even at the age of twelve weeks became an eager student of murder

and vice. Training films, she absorbed in multiple doses while John laboriously went over

details and clues he had witnessed during his tenure as chief inspector. Miss Kitty was

trained to look for the unusual at the scene of murder.

At first, the city complained that rules were not followed by allowing a cat to

inspect scenes of murder and malice. But by this time, Miss Kitty weighed an

impressive eighteen pounds and with her training and senses hundreds of times more

acute then man, she began finding obscure clues the detectives missed. The

understanding between Miss Kitty and John took on a mystic awareness and silent

communication took over

.It wasn’t that John could read Miss Kitty’s intentions but the opposite was true.

At a special award service at the Miami Police Department, Miss Kitty was deemed and

awarded the title of Mystery Chief Inspector, in front of the press and television cameras.

Next day national news picked up the story and Miss Kitty’s portrait hit the news stands

across the country.

Scotland Yard showed interest in her talents and invited her along with John to fly

across the pond to England for an interview. She was awarded the title in England as

‘Dame Miss Kitty.’ At that point, John received a call from the Secretary Of The Interior

in Washington. Upon reaching the capitol city, she was whished to the pentagon along

with John, and interviewed by the Secretary Of Defense.

John was exhausted by this time and Miss Kitty had started to lose weight and her

coat lost some of it’s brightness.

“It’s time we took a vacation, Miss Kitty. Where would you like to go?”

Miss Kitty trotted over to John’s computer and typed in ‘Disney World’. John

knew that might be a serious problem for the park allowed only service animals in the

public area. When he got off the phone with a friend who had a management position, he

was faced with a no decision, but the next day he received great news. He and Miss Kitty

were to be greeted by Mickey Mouse and Pluto and fifty some reporters.

At Disney World, Miss Kitty appeared anxious and restless and John began to

wonder,

‘She’s never been shy in public before, there has to be a good reason. I’ll put my

phone down for her to type’.

The press was quite amused but when John read what she had typed, he

swallowed his reaction and calmly asked for security.

“You say your cat typed this message on your computer?”

The security official began to laugh.

“Let me see that message please.” came from the vice president of Disney World.

“Evacuate the park,” he told security, “follow procedures but be quick about it“

John reread the message his ryes at first had trouble believing,

“I can sense explosives in several areas.”

“I’ll turn her lose,” John said, “but we need to be quick. It won’t be easy keeping

up with her.”

An hour went by, bomb squads has diffused six areas of explosives that if set off

could have caused the lives of hundreds of visitors.

Next morning Miss Kitty again reigned supreme on front pages around the world.

“You are one magnificent cat, Miss Kitty,” John announced.

“Thank you,” she typed. “does that mean fresh salmon for dinner?”

“You bet!”

　

[Look for future stories of Miss Kitty solving mysteries

KERRY CHARLTON’S

　

MIKE HAMMER”S REVENGE

FINALE

　

　

　

Two white gorillas, each carried 250 pounds of muscle, appeared at the top of

the stairs. Confused that they might be seeing a drunken, domestic battle, they hurried

down to help. When they saw it was Ruth and Sam Spade, they reached for their steel,

but Mike cold-cocked the biggest and he tumbled down the narrow flight of stairs,

landing like a small Buick. The second goon had grabbed his rod but had little time to

use it, as Sam smashed the back of his head with his 38.

It didn’t slow him down much and he managed to fire one round which grazed

Ruth’s cheek. Mike placed his gun against the goons ear and squeezed the trigger. He fell

like a redwood tree and lay still on the stairwell.

“The hell with being the good guy,” Mike said.

The three charged up the stairs and burst through Big Jake’s door. Effie and Dee

Dee were tied to chairs and stripped nude. Big Jake held a long carving knife, tested with

his thumb for sharpness He laughed as he saw Ruth leading the gumshoes, both pistols

drawn and dripping blood from her cheek..

“Goodbye Jake“, she hollered and emptied both guns into his body. Amazingly,

he lunged toward her and managed to squeeze off one shot which blew a hole through

Ruth’s neck. He then staggered back and fell over his desk with enough lead in him to

cast an army of toy soldiers.

A dead stare overtook Ruth’s eyes as Sam took off his coat and gently laid it

across her body,

“Dames”, he said, “you never realize they can be heroic when they need to. He

kneeled next to her,

‘I’m going to miss you ‘doll face’, we all will.”

Mike took off his coat, covered Effie’s nakedness and untied her, moved over to

Dee Dee and covered her with his shirt and released her ropes. Both girls were still in

shock, having come close to being butchered by a mad man. .Sam remained by Ruth’s

body with a look of disbelief.

` The bouncer and four minions from the club entered the room cautiously, rods

drawn. Mike stood behind the door and stepped in view,

“It’s finished boys, the party’s over. There’s no sense in killing each other.”

The bouncer caught the fright in the eyes of the captured girls and dropped his

gun to the floor and mentioned for Big Jake’s thugs to do the same. “how many times I

wanted to kill him myself,’ the bouncer thought, as he remembered scenes like this, and

had seen what Jake could do to women.

Probably only the bouncer knew how much Jake really hated women The prettier

the girl , the more intense the hate consumed him. And now, all this was behind him, no

more cow tailing to Jake’s weird desires. ‘Dead men don‘t do sex,’ the bouncer thought..

A couple of patrons had called the police, they stormed the night club, releasing

the patrons who were more than happy to leave. Sgt. O’Malley climbed the back stairs

over one thug who had broken his neck with his fall down the stairs, another whose

brain had splattered across the upper part of the staircase. When O’Malley entered the

　

room, he sighted the partially covered Dee Dee and Effie, Big Jake lying across his desk

in a pool of blood. His body looked like a rancid piece of Swiss cheese. Then his eyes

really blinked, Sam Spade and Mike Hammer, were talking to a mountain of a man and

four more who looked like more thugs,

He noticed Ruth’s body lying on the floor,

“Anyone left breathing is under arrest,” O’Malley said. Five more police entered

Big Jake’s office. It resembled a black and white, where ten characters surrounded a

detective, while the story was laid out for the audience to understand. However O‘Malley

understood none of it and two gumshoes, two half dressed women and a bouncer and

four thugs were loaded in three police cars that headed downtown.

‘Lieutenant Houlihan’s gonna love this one,’ O’Malley thought as the cars sped to

their destination.

.

. . ..

　

Mike Hammer Part Three

MIKE HAMMER’S REVENGE

PART THREE

　

　

Begrudgingly, Ruth agreed to the plan, despite calling Mike psychotic to even

thing of the idea. When Dee Dee got whiff, she went shopping with Mike’s money, a C

note. Not to be outdone, Effie worked the same amount from Sam, calling it hazard

money. Both girls were lookers but disguised themselves in every day clothes and little

makeup. They presented themselves as efficient secretaries and office managers.

The meeting place was Mike‘s office in Hell‘s Kitchen close by to Jake’s dive,

The Easy Sixes. Ten o’clock on Saturday night the five including Ruth stood before the

door to Jake’s club. Dee Dee and Effie wore evening coats despite the summer breeze

through the trees.

“As I‘ve told you before Mike, Jake put the crunch on you. There’s no way I’m

going to let you in.”

Mike observed the six foot five bouncer, whispered to Dee Dee and stepped back.

She removed her coat, exposed a perfect body dressed in a silk, scoop neck black dress,

completely backless. Mike and Sam stood there speechless and gaped at her. She

slithered up to the bouncer like a cougar in heat, her moxie in full power ,

“Say hey, big daddy,” she said as she pressed her breast into his arm. “I like them

large don’t you see and I’ll save the last dance for you. All we‘re looking for is an easy

evening, Now step aside you gorgeous peace of mountain, Dee Dee’s gonna enter this

joint.”

Once inside, they were led to a private room with roulette, dice and floating

women through a smoke filled aura of sin. Ruth played her layback game like a spider

waiting for it’s prey. Big Jake plowed his way through the tuxedo’s and hookers to greet

them,

“So Mike you’re traveling in beautiful company tonight, don’t be stingy, introduce

me.”

Like all things in life, Mike’s plan flushed down the john. It wasn’t Ruth who

attracted Jake but both Effie and Dee Dee,

“I’m going to borrow your women, gum-shoes, just to show them off. Besides

you have Ruth to split between you, I doubt if she‘d mind. They’re in good hands, be sure

you enjoy yourselves and don’t worry, I’ll bring them back, piece by piece.”

With one arm around each girl, Big Jake made a swift exit.

“What in hell did he mean by that,” Sam asked.

“I know Jake,” Ruth said, “if you don’t move now he literally will bring them

back in a box.”

“Thanks Ruth,” Sam said, “are you carrying heat.”

“Strapped to both thighs, you wanna see for old times?”

“Damn it Ruth, be serious, are they in danger?”

“Well boys, I’m leaving to help. Are you coming or not?:”

The three exited the casino room each carrying double 38”s.

Mike knew the joint by heart as did Ruth. The three slipped though a hidden

passage way leading to a steep flight of stairs spilling out to a narrow hallway to Jake’s

private office..

“There will be at least two gorillas guarding his door,” Ruth said.

“And I didn’t agree to any murder,” Sam echoed.

“Anybody have an idea?” Mike said.

Ruth stopped them halfway up the stairs,

“I do.. Sam, pretend you’re strangling me, it shouldn’t be hard for you.”

As he leaned over and grabbed her throat, an echo like a dying timber wolf,

permeated the stairwell,

“AAAAGGGGHHHH, AAAAGGGGHHHH.”





.

MIKE HAMMER PART 2

MIKE HAMMER’S REVENGE

PART TWO

　

　

　

Sam Spade had nothing to loose, the Fat man had been tried for murder and

received a ten to twenty. On the otder hand, New York’s DA scheduled to try Miss

Wonderly for murder of Sam’s partner as well as conspiracy. So the meeting between

Sam and Mike Hammer with Angus Lockup, New York’s DA, was an unlikely match.

However Mike had discovered a flaw, Angus, the DA was power hungry and putting

away Big Jake with a crooked commissioner would make Angus a political fortune.

The New York Times’ headline screamed the next week,

‘District Attorney releases murder suspect Ruth Wonderly with only five thousand

dollar bond. New York in uproar, calls for firing DA.’

A meeting was arranged between Ruth, Sam and Mike in an obscure walk up bar

in Harlem, called the It’ll Do Club.

Ruth sat across from the two detectives, her aura filled the room and Mike had to

fight off the desire to sweep her off her feet. ’No wonder, Miss Wonderly was such a

powerful villain. Even I‘m starting to fall,’ Mike thought. Sam feigned no response to

Ruth but Mike saw the look in his eyes.

“Doll face,” Sam said, “you want to be free to go your evil ways, then team up

with us to get Big Jake.”

“I thought you said you’d wait for me, forever if need be.”

“Two can play your game, vixen. I just thought it was the polite thing to say at the

time.”

Mike almost choked on that line, ’God, what a crummy actor Sam Spade would

make.’

Mike interrupted the two,

‘You two can hash old memories but not on my time. Here’s the pitch Ruth. Dee

Dee and Mike, Effie and I will escort you to Jake’s place. We’ll introduce you, you be the

third woman.

“You’re crazy if you think I can entice that sleaze bag.”

“Hell Ruth, you could make a dead Indian hard and you know it. Otherwise it’s

twenty years in the slammer. Which is worse?”

“Okay, okay, just don’t push me, let me think.”

‘Since when did you think?’ Mike Hammer thought. ‘ You’re kind of woman,

double dealing murderess, maybe Big Jake will waste you, not much of a loss to

humanity.’ Mike was feeling the pain all over again from Mona Marie. ‘What a beauty to

have to die with six pieces of lead from my gat.’

　

　

　

　

Sam saw the effects of Mike fighting signs of remorse,

“Remember Mike,” San issued, “either it’s the quick or the dead. And you’re still

alive Don’t lose your edge now, you’re so close.”

“Okay boys,” Ruth said, “I’ll go for it. So lay it out for me. If I don’t like it, you’ll

have to change our deal. Savvy guys?”

　

　

“Agreed,” they said. “Lets get down and dirty. That’s the only way Big Jake is

going to turn cold..”

Mike Hammer

MIKE HAMMER

　

　

　

　

Mike chose his footing carefully while trudging up the dingy four flights to his walkup overlooking ‘Hell’s Kitchen. A bullet in his left thigh and one to his rib cage, from a slinky blonde named Mona Marie, had left him bitter memories, despite her sexual perversions. Three weeks in a run down hospital didn’t improve his disposition. He should have known better but didn’t. The after glow of filling her body full of lead seemed to ease the pain some.

Inside his secretary waited with a copy of a police report, he begrudgingly scanned.

“What is this all about Dee Dee?”

“They‘re suspicious about your story of Mona Marie‘s connections to Big Jake and have an AP out on you.”

“Damn, so that‘s what the tail‘s all about.”

“Cool it Mike, you know you‘re clear.”

“Yeah, probably but Big Jake has connections, police commissioner connections.”

“Your hear that stomping up the stairs Dee?”

“Yep, fuzz is a comin’.”

Four hours later, Mike left the precinct office, free on his own recognizance. Big Jake ran drugs, girls, numbers and protection in Hell’s Kitchen since the early thirties. The depression only made him stronger, Payoff, booze and broads kept the police away, including Mel Harrison, the commissioner.

‘I’ll have to bring him down myself’, Mike thought, ‘but how?’

Jake ran his operation out of The Easy Sixes, a club located in an old wharf on the Hudson River. Safe and off limits to the police, the club emulated everything grotesque Hell’s Kitchen had to offer. One difference only, customers knew they were okay and that meant a lot to New York’s elite. Mike had been there many times in the mid thirties, now the war was on, New York turned it’s attention to more pressing matters.

Mike finally realized his plan was flawed and called his best friend,

Effie answered Sam’s phone,

“He’s not in Mike, he still mooning over Miss Ruth and took some time off, but I will tell him you called“

‘It‘s no wonder,’ Mike thought. ‘Sam took down the “Fat Man and Ruth Wonderly with him. God what a piece of double dealing, wanton woman.”.

Two days went by, with Mike healing fast, almost to normal. Sam called and they arranged a meeting.

“You old buzzard,” Mike said, “you finally over your tryst?”

“You’re a fine one to talk Mike, at least I didn’t let her plug me twice.”

“Ouch, it still hurts.”

“Your ass or your pride?”

“A little of both, maybe. Enough of this, are you interested in taking Big Jake down?”

“You and what army?”

“I am serious Sam.“

“You have a death wish Mike or just insane?”

Neither, but I do have a plan.”

To Be Continued

　

THE RESURRECTION OF DR. MONTGOMERY AND THE CLONES

　

　

[ SYNOPSIS ]

[Three years had passed since Brad Pennington and his sister Jennifer had battled

the insane Dr. Montgomery and twelve of his clones in Mt. Moriah Cemetery. Brad’s

Irish ancestors had risen from the dead in full battle dress to even the odds. The time span

had done little to heal Brad or his sister’s memories.]

One of those early spring weekends descended upon the City Of Brotherly Love

and Brad and his sister Jennifer, packed a picnic lunch and headed downtown to the

historical district. The stress of battling Dr. Montgomery in four separate encounters, still

showed in both their faces but they were survivors cut from the cloth of liberty. No one

but Brad realized how important his sister had been when she stepped back into his life.

Of course, losing his wife to the mad genius, forever changed him but Jen had

gathered the remnants of his mind and healed him, not as a replacement but more like a

close companion, reminiscent of their early childhood. It was her awareness that sunny

spring day that allowed him an instant before six more clones, three exactly like Brad, the

other three like Jennifer, staged an attack once again in full sight of families strolling

Independence Park.

Brad had adopted modern warfare and pulled his Glock 37 pistol and aimed at

his exact image and squeezed the trigger. Before he could fire again, he was knocked

unconscious. When he awoke, the police, fire department ambulance and curious, always

the curious surrounded him.

“Where is Jen?”

“She’s been abducted,” a spectator said. “Two men and three girls spirited her

off in a BMW a few minutes ago. The other guy’s chest was blown apart.”

“Did you get the plate number?” A policeman asked.

“Sorry, it happened so fast, I didn’t think about it.”

Lieutenant Joseph Calloway of the Philadelphia police arrived

“Dr, Pennington, we meet again. How is it you’re still alive?”

“Beats me, Montgomery’s kidnapped Jennifer again. He obviously wants

something from me.”

“Like secret formulas?”

“No comment, did they leave any notes?”

“Notes? Not that a know of. Did you implant a tracking device in your sister?“

“Yes, are you getting a reading?”

“We are but what if they discover it?”

“Not likely, it was surgically implanted.”

“Well, it’s tracking toward the Pocono’s.”

“So finally, we’ll find the rat nest and eliminate the snakes.”

“What about your sister?”

“Commando raid.”

“Are you serious? The FBI’s not qualified.

“We won’t use the FBI.”

“Well who then?”

“Navy Seals.”

You have that influence, Dr. Pennington?”

“I do, Montgomery’s working on some sort of mind, projection control for Isis.”

“Do you need our help doctor?”

“We can always use your help Lieutenant. Now here’s my plan……………”

　

I guess you thought all cats were sweet. T

UUMPH!, UUMPH

I sat at La Floridita bar in Havana. Ava Gardner perched on a bar stool to my

left and my best friend in the world, Earnest Hemingway on my right. We had been

drinking sugar free rum daiquiris and telling tall tales for hours when Ava slipped her

hand to my thigh and leaned over to kiss me. Her eyes were luminous pools of desire

and her rose lips quivered slightly as her face drew closer. I closed my eyes and………

Meow! Meo…………w!

She started to lick my face, not Ava but my eighteen pound calico, Miss Kitty.

I closed my eyes and saw Ava fade away from my dream.

“Damn it Miss Kitty, you know better.”

She snuggled closer. Meow! Meow!

“What do you want, cat?”

“You of all people know, my breakfast.”

I bolted out of bed and searched my room for the voice.

“What are you looking for Dean.”

I froze in stride. The calico had just talked to me. When I tried to speak to her,

“ Uumph uumph” Lord, I couldn’t utter a word.

I stumbled to my kitchen, opened a can of Friskies for Miss Kitty, threw my

clothes on and bolted out the door. I practiced speaking in my car as I traveled through

traffic, nothing but ‘uumph, uumph.’

The First National Bank Of Miami’s sign greeted me as I entered the foyer, took

the elevator to the ninth floor. ’uumph, uumph,’ nothing. Doris Dinglefoot my blonde

receptionist with a 1950’s bullet bra chest, greeted me with a smile.

“Good morning Mr. Davenport.”

“uumph, uumph,” I answered.

“Do you have a bad cold sir?”

“Uumph!” .

I disappeared into my office after shaking no at Doris. Twelve messages sat to be

returned. Damn cat placed a spell on me. “Uumph-waaa” Well, at least that was a

different sound. The rest of my morning floated in the toilet. Two vice presidents strolled

in for a quick meeting and exited just as fast to “Waaa Uumph Waaa.”

I practiced my best drunk stagger, walked up to Miss Dinglefoot leaning at fifteen

degrees, put my hands on her shoulders and started to play walkie down her chest. .

“For Pete sakes Mr. Davenport, not now.”

“Uumph, Waaa, Wass, Umphawaaa.”

I was back in the elevator and to my car like a rocket, only not fast enough, for

Doris ran behind the bumper, screaming,

“At least let me drive you home sir.”

I stuck my head out the window,

“Uumphuumphwaaauumph” and I pushed the petal to the metal and drove down

the Dixie highway toward home. I pulled in my driveway after receiving a three hundred

dollar ticket for driving while being mentally retarded. I roared through my garage

barely stopping before plowing though the back wall, and burst through the door.

　

　

　

　

Miss Kitty sat on the carpet looking like a fur lined bowling pin slightly portly in

a pissed off attitude,

“Are you ready to deal Dean?”

She gave me the creeps talking to me.

“Uumph wass cump ha!” I answered.

:”Here’s the deal,” she purred. “I want my breakfast. promptly at five in the

morning. Lunch at noon and dinner at five. Don’t forget my snacks, okay?”

“Uumph”

.. . Clean my litter box twice a day.”

“Uumph.”

Lastly, spend as much time with me as you do with Miss Dinglefoot. Deal?

Uumph ………….Yes!”

“Meow Meo………w.”

“I know, lunch time, give me a minute